Forever Stubborn

“I know nothing with any certainty but the sight of stars makes me dream”. This is Van Gogh in a letter for his brother Théo. Romantic, uh? It is. It’s just that I keep thinking that for me it would be better: “ I know nothing with any certainty, but I’ll always be stubborn as fuck”. Yes, I am and always will be a desperately stubborn person and there’s really nothing I can do about it.

So I know mom that if I keep my room cleaner I won’t lose my favourite sweater, but I like challenges, plus in my mess I have the perfect spot for everything. I can’t find my shoes because YOU wanted to clean up and now my perfect ecosystem is ruined.

I know my beloved wonderful friends that he is not right for me. I knew it even before you told me, because I had to hide it from my mom. Believe me, if your mom can’t know what you’re up to, then it’s wrong. It really is, but you (I mean me) have to go out with him anyway.

Because you have to learn yourself from your mistakes, even though it will hurt you more.

My dear and patient friends, I know that I won’t die from a mysterious disease (not today), but I still want to be in my hypochondriac phase, until I can calm down. And yes, you have to listen to all my symptoms.

By the way, I know I should listen to you more about everything in general… But you know me, I will learn in my own way. But thank you for your patience.

I know I should study more, but I can’t accept being 24 and not going out on a Friday night or not having the time for a walk in the mountains or for a trip I longed for. I know teachers that I am not your favourite student, but I won’t quit.

Math, I know you have some sort of sense. But I still think you’re an opinion that I didn’t ask for. I would never admit your utility, even under torture. Same with physics.

I know boyfriend I can’t always be right, but I still believe I am. I still think it was rude to change the shoes I bought for you, even though they weren’t of the right size. I would have wanted you to change your feet and not my shoes. Also I still think you are perfect, even though you scientifically can’t be perfect. I am no scientist anyways.

I know volleyball teammates that if I am out of shape I can’t jump as much as I am used to. But I still want to try to do my best hit, even though I know there’s a 10% chance I can make it.

I know I can’t be perfect, but I still want to be “more” and “better”. I know I create a burden on my shoulders that really doesn’t exist, but I still do.

I know there’s a normal way to do things, but I still want to make it the harder way.

 

Being stubborn can lead you to great things, make you proud of what you have accomplished. It can lead you to terrible mistakes too: it’s important that you learn from them. So since you won’t (you can’t!) change, just try hard to listen to others’ advices.

I swear once I did it and they were right. Unbelievable.

 

Thank you for reading.

Advertisements

4 thoughts on “Forever Stubborn

  1. Stubborn? Determined, long term visionary, firm, unshakable, sure…there are many ways to give the right perspective to such a complex attitude. All positive for me. So long!

    Like

  2. Props from another stubborn girl to another! Haha. I commend you for knowing what you want and standing your ground. I’m Filipino, and our culture places a lot of premium on obedience and cooperation – so I’ve always been considered difficult. But I find that my being stubborn has its advantages. Being decisive and refusing to adhere to pressures builds character. I’ve made a lot of colossal errors because of my stubbornness for sure, but I also learned that it helps me become more accountable for MY decisions. At the end of the day, they were MY mistakes and MY lessons and I have no one to blame for them but myself. Over the years, I’ve learned when to give way and when to stand my ground, but I still don’t think I can consider stubbornness as a negative trait. It helped me become who I am.

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s